It’s not you; it’s the goal.

We have all at some point set goals in our lives, and we have all at some point fallen short of achieving a few of them. Unfortunately, we’re often too quick to judge and blame ourselves when we fail to reach a goal we set. We call ourselves “failures,” get demotivated, and fall back to our old habits.

But what if the reason so many people fail to reach their goals isn’t that they’re “lazy,” a “failure,” or lacking discipline. What if the problem lies in the goals themselves?

Create the right goals set you up for success, and you’ve already won most of the battle. It’s also so much more motivating when you achieve the goals you set for yourself!

How is it done? Here’s our tried and proven seven-step guide:

1. Focus on process goals

Often, we fail to achieve goals we set because we are solely focused on its outcome rather than the process. Outcome goals are great for providing a direction, but focusing on process goals is a much healthier and sustainable way of thinking.

What’s the difference?

Outcome goals are challenging yourself to get an “A” in a class, earn a promotion, or run a half marathon. Like the name suggests, success is defined by whether you’ve reached the outcome or not. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with these goals, we often fall short of them because many factors are out of our control, which can be discouraging.

Process goals, on the other hand, center around the steps that lead to the desired outcome. For example, setting a process goal of studying for 5 hours a week instead of an outcome goal of getting an “A.” The point of these goals is to keep doing small actions that should turn into habits.

In her Before Breakfast podcast, Laura Vanderkam suggests keeping process goals relatively simple so that we don’t feel resistance to them or feel like a failure when we fall short.

I set an outcome goal to run my first half marathon by the end of the summer. Going from being a couch potato at the start of quarantine to running a half marathon seemed impossible, so instead of fixating on running those long 13.1 miles, I set a process goal of running every other day. That was my only requirement. It didn’t matter if I ran for 5 minutes or 50 minutes; the point was just to show up. Before I knew it, I was doing 10-mile runs.

Set outcome goals to give you a direction, but focus on the process goal because that’s the one that will endure. In James Clear’s words, “committing to the process is what makes the difference.”

2. Be crystal clear on the WHY

The goal you set has to be important to you. We’ve written a lot on the importance of setting goals that matter to you because, at the end of the day, when things get tough, it’s going to be your reason for setting the goal that will motivate you to keep going.

Before committing to a goal, go through the tough exercise of asking yourself:

“Why is this goal important to me?”

Then ask yourself again,

“Why is this goal really, seriously, actually important to me?”

Go beyond the superficial reasons. Be as real and honest with yourself. It’s a tough conversation to have, but you’ll save yourself so much time and potential disappointment.

Once you’ve mentally figured out why the goal is important to you, write it down. I’ve been using Mana to set and track my goals for a long time, and one of my favorite features is that while setting a goal, there’s a place to write down why the goal is important to me. Having a digital record means that whether things are going well or things get hard, I can always go back to remind myself of my initial motivation.

3. Set its priority level

One of the reasons we sometimes fall short of achieving our goals is because even though they are important, they may not be a priority right now. The reason to set a goal’s priority level is that you’re more likely to achieve your goal if you focus on one goal at a time.

Researchers found that people who tried to accomplish multiple goals were less likely to succeed than those who focused on one goal at a time. People generally default to the path of least resistance, and setting and working towards a new goal requires a lot of effort.

Hence, until the goal becomes more-or-less automatic, focus on one goal at a time.

This is where setting the goal’s priority level becomes important. In addition to asking yourself why the goal is important to you, ask yourself:

“Why is this goal important to me right now?”
“Will putting this goal off allow me to spend time on things that are more important to me now?”

It’s okay to postpone goals to a later stage when they fit into your life’s framework better, plus you’ll have something to look forward to!

4. Set a timeframe

Now that you’ve set a process goal that’s important and of the highest priority to you, it’s time to give yourself a time frame - long enough to leave time for obstacles, but short enough to keep you motivated. A lousy time frame is why many of us (myself included) have often failed to follow through on our New Year’s Resolutions. One year out is just too far out in the future that it’s easy to say, “I’ll start tomorrow.”

So what’s the sweet spot?

Laura Vanderkam recommends 90-day resolutions. Here’s why:

They’re not too long and not too short. One-year goals like mentioned can give us the I’ll-start- tomorrow mentality. On the other hand, 90 days gives us enough time to overcome the challenges that we’ll inevitably face.
It’s easy to reset. If things don’t work out with your goal, you don’t need to wait until January to start a new one, giving you time to revert to old habits. By failing fast, you can quickly pick up and move onto the next goal.

If things are going well, you can use the 90-day mark to re-energize and re-motivate yourself to keep going for another 90 days.

5. Don’t be quick to reward yourself.

While looking forward to a reward can be a form of motivation, we need to proceed with caution. Author, Gretchen Rubin suggests that rewards can actually hinder progress, for two main reasons:

It’s too easy to opt-out if the reward is a luxury. Looking forward to a reward might be okay to get motivated, but if along the way you no longer want or need the reward, then what’s the point of working towards the goal? Eventually, you’ll be more likely to drop the goal altogether.
Rewards create negative associations. We usually only feel the need to reward ourselves after going through some sort of hardship. Yes, the goal you set most likely won’t be easy to achieve, but the overall process should be enjoyed. Needing a reward can reinforce that the goal is challenging, making it more likely to fall short.

There’s an exception!

Rewards can be great motivators when you treat yourself to things and experiences that will bring you closer to achieving your goal. For example, if your goal is to do yoga three times a week, buy yourself a new yoga mat or renew your membership after a few weeks.

6. Find an accountability partner.

Sometimes it’s easy to go back on our goals or drop them because nothing is at stake. In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear suggests that finding an accountability partner is one of the best ways to stick with forming new habits.

Why? Because we are wired to care about what other people think and seek approval from others to feel accepted. Most of us also feel much worse letting others down than ourselves.

An accountability partner is also an excellent resource for when you might be struggling to reach your goal. My guide at Mana has been especially helpful for this. Not only our guides expert life coaches who give practical advice to specific questions but they’ve also got an overview of your entire goal-setting journey and can be encouraging in reminding you of how far you’ve come.

Having an accountability partner dials the pressure just enough to keep you motivated and stick to your goals, and they can offer advice and encouragement when things get tough.

7. Have faith

We have come to the final step in setting successful goals. We’ve done all the hard, tangible work, and now, it’s all up to our mindset.

We have all heard some version of the quote, “if you believe you can achieve.” As cliche as it might sound, it turns out that our success is scientifically proven to be rooted in this. This is because faith and genuinely believing that we can achieve something puts us in, what psychologists call, a “growth mindset” instead of a “fixed mindset.”

Time after time, research has shown that people with a fixed mindset achieve less because, in the face of adversity, they lack the faith and confidence to be adaptable and to continue pushing despite things getting tough. On the other hand, people who genuinely believe they can achieve a goal and have a growth mindset will see setbacks as learning opportunities, simply hurdles to jump over, not dead ends.

Of course, this faith might not come overnight, so you can start with daily affirmations such as,

“I welcome opportunities to learn.”
“I will achieve this goal.”
“Everything negative - pressure, challenges - is all an opportunity for me to rise.” - Kobe Bryant

Looking to set a new goal? Here’s your seven-step guide to setting goals you’ll achieve:

Focus on the Process
Clarify Your Purpose
Prioritize Strategically
Define Sensible Timelines
Reward Yourself Deliberately
Identify an Accountability Partner
Believe You Can Achieve!

7 Steps to Successful Goal Setting